From Coming Out to Gay Marriage, the Life of an Accidental Revolutionary

October 11 marks National Coming Out Day, a day when gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgender and queer people from all over the rainbow come out loud and proud!

In today’s world, it may seem like coming out isn’t that big of a deal anymore. Look at American Idol popstar Clay Aiken on the recent cover of People Magazine, or actress Lindsay Lohan admitting to her long time lesbian relationship.

But despite what it looks like, coming out is still a big deal!

Sometimes we forget the tremendous courage it takes for anyone to stand up and say, “This is who I really am.” Take into account the environment where we are surrounded by evangelical messages that call us “abominations” or even less hateful, but still hurtful, messages, like “we offer health and tax benefits to spouses but no benefits to same sex couples, even though you may have been together for 50 years.”

When I was a teenager, I cried myself to sleep many nights. I remember thinking that I had to get married (to a woman) and have kids. Coming out was not an option. The pain was so intense that I could literally feel a weighted burden on my chest (heart) and I would whimper to myself wondering why I had to be gay.

A few years later in college, my good friend Myra finally broached the subject. “Are you bisexual?” she asked one late night. I paused, and then said the one word that would change my life.

“Yes.”

I actually thought I was bisexual and that thought lasted for a few months. I was still too afraid to say that I exclusively liked men. Myra asked me a few questions that night and I gave her whatever answers I could. What I didn’t tell her that night was that she was the first person I ever came out to. Saying so would’ve made it a bigger deal than I was prepared to handle, so I pretended to act calm and cool even though my heart felt like it was beating a million times a minute!

Within a few weeks I had the “coming out” conversation with my other close friends. Interestingly, though, I made sure that we were really drunk before I could admit the truth. I thought alcohol would help to soften the blow for the benefit of my friends, but in hindsight, I think it was more of a benefit for me to feel more free.

What I have come to realize, though, is that coming out is a lifelong process.

There’s coming out to the relatives and school friends who I haven’t seen in a while. There’s coming out to co-workers and business clients, and it happens each and every time I enter a new job or business relationship. There’s coming out at church or when I attend workshops for personal development or spiritual growth. There’s coming out whenever my partner and I check into a hotel and ask for a king-sized bed. There’s coming out when someone looks at the ring on my finger and asks where my wife is and if I have any kids.

And coming out to let someone know I’m gay is just one level. There are other levels to coming out! Introducing my partner to others and having them see us hold hands (much less kiss!) make being gay more “real”. Saying that we’re going to actually get married brings up even more hidden beliefs to the surface!

With each coming out, there’s a moment of pause and anticipation to see what the response would be. Will others open their heart, or will they contract? And no matter the response, there’s a continual practice that I maintain to keep others in my heart even if there’s the presence of judgment or condemnation.

In the end, coming out is the process of standing in the truth of who we are and embracing the courage to be authentic. It’s about fully accepting what simply is, with no excuse or justification.

In the age of pressures to conform to society’s beliefs of what’s right or appropriate, to live the authentic self is a revolutionary act. And it’s a revolution we find ourselves accidentally participating in, for the mere reason that we are who we are and we love who we love. This revolution takes place in the big City and in rural America, in the televised pride parades and in the ballot box, through the voice of political leaders and in the hearts of scared teenagers.

Yesterday Connecticut became the third state in the country to allow same-sex couples to legally marry. This November 4^th, California voters make the decision of whether or not to eliminate the right of same-sex marriage (vote no on prop 8!).

On its face, the battle is about gay marriage. Underneath it is a turmoil of emotions about whether this country is ready to “come out” and live authentically or to hide behind a banner of conformity, whether to embrace love in its many expressions or to use fear as the excuse to mask economic anxiety.

Don’t get me wrong. Conformity isn’t bad, just as long as what we conform to is the deepest truth of who we are rather than conform to an idea simply for the sake of belonging. And the deepest truth of who we are, in our most simple and deepest essence, is love.

Does it sound sappy? Maybe. But until we recognize this truth, we will operate from a place of fear, separation and judgment. The coming out process doesn’t just benefit the people who come out. It also benefits the people who witness the process and who use it as an opportunity to open their hearts. The shift is transformational, and has ripple effects to expand love in all our relationships.

So on this day, be a revolutionary of the heart. Be your authentic self. Come out of your own closet.

Happy National Coming Out Day!

Let the Games Begin! Obama and Same-Sex Marriage Race to November 4th

Labor Day usually marks the start of the mad dash towards the finish line for November electoral races.

I’ve personally been involved with many statewide electoral campaigns in California throughout my life. In the 1990s I played a leadership role in the statewide effort to create a high-quality Canadian-style health care system that was affordable for everyone. I fought the anti-immigrant, anti-affirmative action and anti-bilingual education initiatives that hit one right after the other. I mobilized people to increase the minimum wage. In high school, I fought the LaRouche initiative that sought to quarantine people with AIDS.

The other weekend, my friends Nilka and Katie hosted a wonderful house party. There was the usual amazing food (mostly vegan) and great company. The twist was that this gathering was organized in concert with The Progressive Project. The purpose -- to move people to action to get Obama elected U.S. President and to defeat the Prop 8 initiative that seeks to dismantle the freedom for same-sex couples to marry.

The other Saturday morning, I attended the No on 8 Campaign Kick-Off in San Francisco’s Castro District. Talk about organization! The whole point of it was to inspire people and then to sign them up immediately for phone-banking voters and recruiting volunteers. Butcher paper lined the walls with a number of volunteer shifts to be filled (10,000 total thru the end of the campaign) and I couldn’t leave without having at least 10 people stopping me telling me to sign up.

The politicos were there en masse to inspire the crowd. San Francisco Mayor Newsom, Oakland Mayor Ron Dellums, Supervisor and soon to be Assemlymember Tom Ammiano, Supervisor Bevan Dufty, Assemblymember Mark Leno, Assemblymember Fiona Ma, Treasurer Jose Cisneros, City Attorney Dennis Herrera. And the media was in full force.

But Supervisor Ammiano said something that struck me. He commented that at dinner tables across California and across the country, most people aren’t talking about same-sex marriage. They’re talking about the rising gas prices, the mortgage crisis and the foreclosure of homes, the overall fear and anxiety about the U.S. economy.

But nonetheless same-sex marriage remains a central issue to the LGBT community and to those who don’t believe in creating a separate and unequal America where some people have rights and others don’t. Obama himself pushes the point that we aren’t two Americas, but one United States of America.

Since Obama’s speech at the Democratic National Convention in Boston in 2004, Obama has achieved rock star status. He has inspired and moved youth to engage in the political process. His candidacy has placed the issue of race at the forefront of people’s minds and he openly talks about how he was inspired by the racial struggles of the 1960s. He emphasizes the importance of community organizing and building power from the bottom up as one of the key ways to affect change. He has utilized web 2.0 strategies and sought smaller donations from a mass base to build a thriving campaign.

Obama’s campaign embraces the strengths of a conventional political campaign (without engaging its ugly divisive ways) and is testing unconventional community organizing strategies on a nationwide level to create a winnable campaign that is unprecedented in this country.

What I liked about this weekend party I attended was the emphasis to work on strategic winnable campaigns AND, at the same time, look to create a longer-term vision. I liked that it linked two campaigns together based on a hope and vision of what kind of society we want to see and live in.

It’s fitting that these elections follow one of the best Olympics I’ve ever watched. Despite whatever one might think about China, the Olympics and the athletes who participated presented hope and possibility from all corners of the world. Who would’ve thought so many World Records would be broken? Who would’ve thought that Michael Phelps would win 8 gold medals?

U.S. politics is usually portrayed as a circus. I think these two campaigns could be likened to the Olympics. The race to November 4^th represent, in their own ways, going for the gold for a generation of new activists and for communities seeking to realize a vision long held in our hearts.

Who would’ve thought that a person of color or a woman would be viable presidential candidates in the United States? Who would’ve thought that same-sex marriage would become legal in the largest state of this country?

Let’s hold on to the vision and not engage in divisive politics. Let’s know that, like Michael Phelps, anything is possible. Let the games begin!

Things aren't always what they seem...

This picture was taken last week at Nakoda Lodge in Morley, Alberta, Canada. Prior to coming here, I didn't really know where Alberta was. I've been to Vancouver and Victoria in British Columbia. I had been to Ottawa but I can't exactly pinpoint it on a map. But I was surprised to find out that the Rockies went up through Alberta, seeing these beautiful mountains from the airplane window!

It's funny how much I learn and expand once I leave the confines of city life. Especially in San Francisco, and I've found this experience in Manhattan as well, many people find life outside of these areas to be non-existent. I've talked with people who abhor even crossing the Bay Bridge to Oakland! Dorothy, we're not in Kansas anymore!

Traveling outside the country helps to loosen me up. Using paper money and coins that I have to look at up close to figure out how much it is. Hearing accents and different words ("washroom" instead of "bathroom", sedjewel instead of skedjewel for the word "schedule"). Seeing the dollar devalued with each passing day...

Being in these different environments reminds me that life isn't as rigid and set in stone as it seems. As communities, societies and social networks, we come up with an agreed upon set of rules and practices that govern how we relate to each other. We grow up conforming and accepting things as they are without asking the question - "What's the purpose of this? What's it really for?"

Take, for example, growing up and learning about the four basic food groups: dairy, meat, vegetables/fruit, and breads/cereal. I learned in elementary school that I had to eat something from each of these groups to be healthy. But in the early 1990s there was a move to change the four food groups to not include meat and dairy. This caused an uproar among those in the meat and dairy industry. The U.S. Department of Agriculture espoused these four food groups since 1956 and our increasing knowledge of what foods are healthy has now thrown these food groups out the window. More and more people are eating vegetarian, vegan, raw and live foods, moving to alkaline diets and lifestyles. People are tuning into what works for their own bodies and what makes them feel good.

In a nutshell, I would offer that it's good to question things and to come up with our own conclusions rather than automatically buying what someone is telling us what we ought to buy.

The next time a small child responds "Why?" such as in "Why do I have to eat everything on my plate?", instead of immediately saying "Because I said so," take a moment to ponder the question. It might be the right question to loosen you up and realize, "I'm not in Kansas anymore!"

VitaMix - A new tool for healthy living!

A few days ago, I was walking through Costco, sampling some foods...shrimp scampi here, chicken shu mai over there, fruit-flavored carbonated soda by the toilet tissues...(and yes, I have slacked on the vegetarian eating lately...)

As I headed through the frozen food aisle, I spotted a crowd in front of a store demonstration on the VitaMix 5200. This guy was making a fruit smoothie, and the first ingredients he put in it were cabbage, spinach and yellow squash! Then he added the carrots, strawberries, bananas and other goodies. I was leary to taste it, but I waited to test out my skepticism. It was DELICIOUS!

30 minutes later, I was still standing in front of the demo, now having tasted a mocha frappucino, tortilla soup, thai ginger soup, chocolate ice cream, garden vegetable cocktail and so much more, all made in this little machine. And almost all of the foods he prepared included the hidden cabbage, spinach and yellow squash combination!

I stood there contemplating all the possibilities. I now could make my own foods and know what's exactly in there...no guessing what those additives or preservatives are, being able to measure my own salt, and plus I get to eat all the healthy parts of the fruits and vegetables, like the watermelon rind, the green leaves on the strawberry tops, the skin of the carrots, the entire stalk of the broccoli. I also get to have hot soup that's cooked in the VitaMix merely by friction! I had this vision of me and Art as raw foodists. I immediately returned the Odwalla SuperFood smoothie that was in my cart back to the refrigerator.

I stopped by Trader Joe's afterwards and was sharing my new found discovery to the cashier. She was excited and told me that her mom had been using her VitaMix for years, making her own fresh multigrain breads and waffles. I had no idea there was this subculture of VitaMix fans out there!

And so for the past few days, I've been making whatever I could with the VitaMix. Today I made fresh pesto for my whole wheat linguine pasta. Yesterday I made a mango corn salsa for my green chili & cheese tamales. And everyday I've been drinking a smoothie of some sort with whatever I could find in my house.

The only downside, though, is that I'm running to the bathroom more frequently. Eating all these raw fruits and veggies seem to be cleaning out my gastrointestinal system. And I've been dreaming about cabbage, yellow squash and spinach the last few days. A little odd, but all worth it to cleaning out my body and feeding it what it deserves.

Holding the Vision

DaMon came over to our house tonight to watch the Tony Awards (which, according to wikipedia, recognizes achievement in live American theater). His long-time buddy Colman Domingo was performing jn the awards ceremony as part of the nominated best musical "Passing Strange." We both commented to each other how we've never really watched the Tony Awards before (I don't really watch the Oscars either) but it was exciting to see someone we actually knew on stage! Colman is pictured below in the open white shirt.

DaMon shared with me Colman's long journey of dedicated work over twenty years to make it to this particular shining moment in his life. He shared how it took every ounce of Colman's being to keep strong to his dream. I met Colman for the first time a few months ago in New York and we went to eat at this obscure Chinese restaurant with their friend Anika Noni Rose, a Tony Award winner herself for Carolina, or Change and also one of the Dreamgirls (alongside Beyonce and Jennifer Hudson). The Colman that I'm familiar with is the one who's already brilliant and successful.

It's easy to watch these shows and see performers nominated and winning these high symbols of achievement. My usual thought has been, "Of course they're up there. They're obviously talented and skilled." But tonight, here was someone I knew who was talented and skilled. But he was on the Tony Awards because he had put his heart and soul day after day for over twenty years to hone his brilliance to become the person who truly deserved to be on the Tony Awards. It made me pause to think how I've taken for granted the many roads less traveled that so many people have taken to be the success that they are.

Some people have dreams of fame, fortune and riches beyond their wildest dreams. Others have dreams of creating a planet where the earth is clean, our economic livelihoods are sustainable, and notions of differences are celebrated. Others may have even more modest dreams, like finding the ideal romantic partner.

How we manifest our dreams is where the rubber hits the road. But I believe it's not our job to figure out the question of HOW we get to our dreams. Our biggest job is to uncover the WHAT, meaning "What do I really really really want?" and to HOLD THE VISION in our hearts with the active FAITH of knowing that what we want is already ours. And then rather than getting caught up in the details of how do I get from here to there, we ask ourselves the simple question, "What's my next step?" I would also add that we be open to possibilities of even greater things than we have imagined.

The Universe unfolds divinely to conspire towards our highest good. There are spiritual laws always at work in the Universe. When what you want comes from your heart and it feels really good, then everything begins to align together to bring you that good. Even if it looks like it's not going your way, when you hold the vision with active faith, be in a place of joyous expectation and witness how good shows up.

And so I congratulate Colman and all the other Tony Awards nominees for following their hearts passion and being the gifts that they are to the world. Keep on keeping on!

Imbuing Your Unique Energy

A few days ago, Art and I had to do about 7 loads of laundry. (We're replacing our washer/dryer, but that's another story...) We've been going to different laundromats. What a fascinating experience to witness different slices of the population in the intimate moments of washing and folding their clothes!

We decided to try this one place in San Francisco's Castro District called Sit & Spin. This place is amazing! The triple-load washers (front load) and spacious dryers are all state of the art. Each machine has its own unique name, like Liberace, Divine, Tony and many other fun names. We folded our laundry on granite table tops. And finding quarters wasn't a problem because they used plastic cards where we could pay with bills of different amounts. On top of all this, there's a cafe in front that serves espressos and tasty pastries and even has wireless internet!

As we folded our undergarments, I mused on the fact that I really enjoyed this place because of it's unique energy! This place could have been any old laundromat with washers that had detergent build-up from past customers or dryers filled with linty screens waiting to be cleaned. And the price of any other laundromat would've been slightly cheaper. But what I enjoyed about this place was that it was fun! And the details showed.

With everything that you do, how do you imbue your own unique energy? Even though you may not own your own business, what do you do to bring that special mark to what you do, whether that's at work or at home? When you cook a meal at home, what can you do to bring that extra love to the dish or to the presentation of the meal? It can even be as simple as pouring your orange juice into a champagne glass! When you interact with co-workers, how do you bring that feeling of aliveness to the workplace? How would you change your workplace if you told one person each day what you appreciated about them?

I visited my best friend DaMon's workout studio, Power-Plus Fitness, to check out all the upgrades he's done to his space. He showed me with pride how his new window shades match the decor of the fitness equipment, how the slate floors in the hallway have continuity with the personal shower area, how the bathroom has the feel of a world class spa (even in the size of a walk-in closet!) and how he stretches each of his clients on the massage table after every work out.

This is what it means to imbue your unique energy! Imbuing your unique energy means putting your special mark on whatever it is that you do. There is a creative force within you that ONLY YOU can express! This divine energy shows up whenever you feel the spark of excitement to do something differently. Why live your life in mediocrity when you can live your life with excitement! It means that you make your ideas real, even though they may seem corny. People appreciate the originality of who you are. Be courageous and show it! We're all waiting!

Bay to Breakers, Oprah and the Cosmos -- Now what do they have to do with each other?

The Spirit of Gay Marriage

As I was driving Art to work at the San Francisco International Airport this morning, we were listening to the gay banter of Fernando & Greg on energy 92.7 FM when we heard the incredible news. Today the California Supreme Court ruled that gays and lesbians have a constitutional right to marry. I almost started to cry!

When Mayor Gavin Newsom allowed gays and lesbians to marry over 4 years ago, Art and I jumped at the historic opportunity. On February 16, 2004, we went to City Hall at 6 am and waited over 7 hours in line to get married. This picture was taken by our best friend Da'Mon Vann on the steps of City Hall right after we got married. It was a pivotal moment in my life. We were one of over 4,000 couples to make history those few days. I never thought the day would come when I would be able to get legally married!

There are five countries today that allow gays and lesbians to legally marry: the Netherlands, Belgium, Spain, Canada and South Africa. Massachusetts is the only other state in the United States to allow this. When I heard the news today, I thought, this is just like Canadians having universal access to health care. No one gets denied at the hospital counter if they need health care. Now, Art and I won't get denied at City Hall for wanting to be married. It gives me hope that, maybe, universal health care may not be that far off in this country.

It's a grand shift in world consciousness when we uplift and embrace the principle of inclusion. We heal perceptions of division and separation. We reaffirm our Oneness.

Today is also Art's birthday, and tonight we're going to celebrate. We'll toast to his parents for birthing the incredible love presence known as Art into the world. And we'll toast to the Divine Love Presence that reveals itself as all of the gay and lesbian couples throughout California who will be getting married in the next few months. Cheers to Love!

Why do I call myself the 1/3 Enlightened Spiritual Teacher?

Three reasons.

One, I believe that the path to enlightenment is continuous. There's always different kinds of crap (also known as opportunities) that show up no matter how enlightened I think I am! The journey doesn't really go anywhere anyways except deeper within. It's a continual process of unfolding of the divine nature of who and what we are. Because we are truly infinite, spiritual beings having a human incarnation, our purpose is to awaken to our true nature and to live the enlightenment.

Two, I recently met David Hawkins at the Agape Revelations Conference in Los Angeles in April 2008. He came up with a method to calibrate the level of truth on a scale of 0 to 1000. Jesus and Buddha calibrated at the 1000 level. Apparently Abraham Lincoln calibrated pretty high at around 500. I tried this method on myself and found I was calibrating in the mid to upper 300s. Not bad but I definitely want to get that number higher! So I figured it was close to 1/3 of where I intend to be, and so I am for the most part enjoying life at the level of 1/3 enlightenment. It's just like Kathy Griffin and how she lives her life on the D-List.


Three, I realized many years ago that I have a gift as a teacher, though I've never held a formal job as a teacher. But I found myself incorporating this gift of teaching into my regular jobs and in everyday interactions. Profound spiritual insights came through me and I loved to share these with others. I found it was my calling. So in January 2008, I decided to leave my 8-5 life on the hamster wheel to pursue the path of the 24 hour Spiritual Teacher.

So that, in a nutshell, is why I'm the 1/3 Enlightened Spiritual Teacher.

I invite you to join me on this journey of learnings, heart openings and fun.

Like Forrest Gump says, "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." Time to take the next bite!